I am struggling, life has been difficult lately. I keep explaining it to my friends as just barely being able to stay above water. I feel like my entire body, all the way up to my mouth is submerged in water, and I am just barely able to catch my breath. This is real, this is my life right now. I wanted to start a blog to share my tips, thoughts, and advice, but right now I feel as though I am barely getting through the days.
I know I am not alone in these feelings, so I hope that this reaches someone who needs it, we are not alone. This isn’t a cheerful post for sure, but this is life and it’s important to share our experiences, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Change is happening quite rapidly in my life. I have about two months (give or take) of university left. School is all I have known for 18 years. That is a long freaking time. Changes are happening in my life whether I am ready or not, and honestly right now I am not ready. I have no choice though, I have to get my resume ready, network, apply for jobs, do homework, attend meetings, go to work, go to school, take care of my home, and try to see my friends. What is really difficult about managing all of this isn’t the amount of shit I have to do. It’s actually that I don’t feel motivated to do most of it. I can’t quite figure out why I don’t feel motivated, I normally have no issue with buckling down and getting to work.
Even finding motivation to get out of bed is becoming a challenge. I am not necessarily sad, I just genuinely feel overwhelmed at the thought of having to go to class, work, do homework, and leave my house. I feel like have pretty much zero time to myself, I am constantly having to be somewhere or I am spending time planning and organizing for when I do have to be somewhere. It’s tough.
I have been trying to remind myself everything is temporary, this will pass. I have been telling myself it is all part of the experience, I know lessons will be learned. I know I will look back on this time and think “wow, I was overwhelmed, but look at how what I’ve learned, look at how much I’ve grown”.
I am a firm believer in the power of thoughts and our thoughts create our reality. Right now, I am working so hard to resist the negative thoughts. I am trying to stay in the mindful state, rather than reverting back to harmful, negative thought patterns. Those negative patterns are easy, they are familiar. It’s like it’s a coping mechanism for me to go back to them. It’s this weird feeling, I tell myself I don’t have time to connect, to surrender to the universe, so it’s easier to fall into negativity, anxiety, and fear. It’s habitual, when I am feeling overwhelmed to the core, I revert back to thought patterns and actions that I used during other times of intense anxiety and fear.
In order to grow, I must acknowledge this cycle. I have to remind myself that while during those previous times of anxiety and fear and was stuck in a cycle of negative and harmful thought patterns, they did not help me, I did not enjoy it. Sometimes I think we need to continue to remind ourselves and work on connecting to the self we want to be, the highest version of ourselves. Nothing is permanent, feelings, good or bad are temporary. Life is about connection, its about surrendering completely to the love, light, and guidance of the universe.
Please leave me a comment letting me know if you have any tips in dealing with these thoughts and feelings. I am truly having a hard time, I know self-care is important but when it think about self-care the first thought is “I don’t have time” which isn’t even a reflection of me or my true thoughts because time is complete bullshit. Time is a social construct, just like pretty much everything else. I have learned to think I don’t have time because society puts the self second to productivity. Anyways, that’s a rant for a different day. But basically, please let me know if you have ANY tips or ideas on how I can snap out of this funk.