Grief.

Grief comes in waves. Out of nowhere.

Things are fine, smooth sailing.

Then, it crashes over you. Breathtakingly strong. You’re stuck in a whirlpool, surrounded by thoughts, emotions, memories.

It happened to me today, for the first time in a while. I was walking along, enjoying my Friday. Then I noticed a young girl with (what I am assuming was) her grandfather. Smiling, laughing, and just hanging out. I felt stuck, I fought off tears.

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But I also felt so grateful, instantly I was brought back to the best memories with my grandfather. Then I felt jealousy. I longed for one more day, even one more hour to spend with him. I was selfish in that instant. I told myself it wasn’t fair, that they were together and I could never experience that again.

I grieve something that has never happened because it will never happen. I am so sad and disappointed that he never got to meet Dylan. I grieve that loss everyday.

We grieve so much more than the loss of human life. We grieve people, relationships, experiences, periods of time, the person we used to be, loss of innocence.

Relationships are so important to humans, we are relational beings. If you’re like me, you put so much into your relationships to the point where it’s exhausting. We begin spending so much time and energy thinking about others that when the relationship ends, we’re lost. We have no choice but to grieve. Something that was once so important in our lives is no longer there, and were left picking up the pieces afterwards.

We pick up the pieces of ourselves and try and create a new puzzle. We awkwardly smile and give a short explanation to all of the questions on where the other person. We hold on just long enough until were alone and can unleash our true emotions in the car, in the bathroom at the mall, in the shower.

We never know when we will be hit by another wave. Each wave acts as an opportunity for growth and healing. If we appreciate the little lessons in the waves, we can work towards healing.

It doesn’t necessarily get easier or get ‘better’ because we will always have those memories and feelings.  Just maybe the time in between waves gets longer, and you learn to ride out the waves rather than sink beneath them.

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